I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my vagina is haunted
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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