We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
