Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
