it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize