Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
