What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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