I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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