and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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