She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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