Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
