so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
