Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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