He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
