she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
