Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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