Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
