1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
