I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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