I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
