i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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