Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
