people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
