Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
