He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
