ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
