No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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