why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
