at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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