I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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