I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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