He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
