How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
