Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
