Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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