he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
