if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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