I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
