Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
