I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
