i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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