He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
