you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
