I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize