I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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