maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
