can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
