No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
