Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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