There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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