oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
