he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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