How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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