I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
