At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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