Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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