Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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