I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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