whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize