I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
