Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
