you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think i have two assholes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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