I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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