today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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