I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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