i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
