I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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