so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
