You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sext me about skeletons
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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