the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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