after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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