Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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