Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
