You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
