Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
