I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
