I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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