I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
