i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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