yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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