You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
