Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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