Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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