I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
