If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
