you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
