so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
