So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
