i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
