youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
