I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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