either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
