I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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