I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
