she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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