As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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