so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
