I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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