god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
