Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
