Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
