if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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