they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
