So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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